I was sitting in front of my workstation, staring at the computer screen. It is almost midnight. I told myself that I have to finish up my work so I can get a good rest for the following day.

I looked at my mobile phone. Been waiting for that someone to call me for the past few days. I tried calling before but no one answered. I wondered what is the matter. But I told myself, I have to concentrate and finish up my work.

And then my mobile rang.....

I looked at the screen to check who is the caller, and guess what...it is the long awaited call.

But I did not answer. I continued working...

 

Finally, done with work. I went home, had a nice warm shower and went to bed. Totally forgotten about the call.

I am trying to be positive since the turn of the year, hoping that it will help make this year a fantastic year (it is my year anyways). I noticed I have not blogged since October last year. Maybe because I have been ignorant and turn a blind eye to the many issues that I had and I knew that someday, it will come back and haunt me.

 

Had an awesome holiday as I was away from civilization and this is the first time in many years that I actually do something different in Summer. Leaving out the details of the holidays, lets just say that I would love to do it again some time near future (mid year? end of the year?) haha.

 

Oh, hang on. Am I a bit lost? Cause what I have written so far is not connected to the title.

 

Actually, I have been thinking ever since I returned. Why do people make things complicated when it is really that simple? It doesn't make sense.

For example (in general), when I get into trouble and the obvious option is there to be taken, I still doubt them and question them. Is that just being plain silly or making things complicated? Sigh...

 

I hate...to complicate matters. I normally just give in and deal with it. Suck it up, so they say. Its when others take advantage of this situation that annoys me. They push you to the brink of death. Selfishness...what has the world become to? Greediness...is it necessary? You can have one or two, but not all. I hate greedy people. These are the people that complicate things.

 

I think I will stop here because I feel that I will ramble on and on about how things should be but the fact is, that is how it is. So deal with it!

Hello,

 

Been a while huh? I never thought that it would take me so long to update my blog (as if). I guess it is about time that I work my brain and come up with something. So I thought why not write about this, obligation.

It has been a while actually, I have been thinking about this.

But before I continue, I shall explain what obligation means. According to Answers.com, obligation is the action of binding oneself by social, legal or moral tie. A social, legal or moral requirement, such as duty, contract or promise that compels one to follow or avoid a particular course of action. I would specifically say, social obligations. Then come the questions:

What is your obligation as a child?

What is your obligation as a friend?

What is your obligation as a partner?

What is your obligation as a random person in public?

 

Need some answers but no rush. I guess these are the things we find out when we grow older

 

Ben

When I sit myself quietly in the room and look at your picture, I smile to myself. That's my life, for now.

 

ben-san 

I felt a sudden chill run through my entire body. Is it just me or something else? So I decided to go out for a puff drive. Yes indeed it was cold outside that caused me the chill, so I thought. I was quite surprised to be honest because earlier I was out, at work. It was not this cold. And also, it has not been this cold for a couple of weeks, more than a month I believe. Has Mr Iwanafreezeu2death decided to return and haunt us? Spring is just a month away, so I guess it is still normal to have cold nights such as tonight. OK, enough of this bullcrap.

 

So I went for a drive and decided to grab myself a pie. Really can't imagine myself without a car, especially the red hot blazing car I am driving now, keeps me warm when I am cold . Today is just one of those days you just watch time passes by. I have been having sleeping disorders lately, insomnia? Maybe, I do not know. I should go to the doctor to check on that. Speaking of that, I might need to do a medical check up as part of my visa application to extend my stay here. Hopefully everything is in order and I do not have to worry too much anymore, it might help this sleeping disorder as well, as one of the cause of insomnia is stress.

 

Yesterday night was one of those nights. I was really tired because I stayed up the night before to finish up my assignment. But I couldn't go to bed yet because I was waiting for an outcome of a partnership project that I have been working on. The moment arrived and it was bad news. The other guy seems to have a bit of a problem and decided to put the project on hold. I was worried and disappointed because my whole life depended on it. If it does not work out, I really have no idea where to go. After hearing that, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of what life is going to be like if the project is canceled. This one project is something I have been looking forward to.

 

So there I was, lying down on the bed. Staring at the ceiling in my bedroom. Couldn't sleep. Then I heard some noise from next door. It was very faint. I decided to move closer towards the bedroom wall. I can hear them clearer now. Tell me, what in the world that people would do during this time of the hour...

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yes, MARBLES. I can hear the sound of marbles hitting each other and the shout of excitement everytime the marble hits the target (or not, which I was not sure). I wasn't sure what are these people thinking, playing marbles at this time of the hour (probably too bored) and I can't help thinking of the time when I was a kid that I used to play it a lot. Arh...the good old times.

 

And soon, I dozed off...

 

ben-san

Mid year... first entry in 6 months. This year's winter is colder than before, as predicted due to the longer summer *crap*.

This year was meant to be a frest start but sigh, it was never meant to be. It is funny how a friend of mine said to me "last year crap, this year will also be crap... no difference" I was shocked but I guess he was right. Can't blame anyone else but myself.

 

Nonetheless, this year has been an eventful year, so far... I moved out to a new place in the city, which in my opinion, came a little too late. Would have been better if I moved out earlier, I was not happy with the old place due to the constant cries of kids and people walking in and out of the house with no peace of mind.

So, I found a place in the city. About 10-15mins walk from CBD, whatever that means. Pretty nice location and well worth for the money but I fear my stay here would be short lived.

Why? Because I haven't been doing well in Uni in 2006 and my Dad has decided that if I don't do well in the beginning of 2007, I will have to drop out and go home, empty handed. After spending so many years in Australia, I will look really bad if I go back without any achievement and I don't want that to happen.

 

Well, lets no go too much into details about that.

First of all, the reason I am back to posting is because I really wanted to share this with everyone.

You know how they say that girls always cause a rift in a friendship among guys?

I remember how I commented a couple of times why is it such a big deal that guys would go sour on a girl or how silly guys can be and be cold to each other just because of a girl etc.

Well, life is full of irony.

Lets just say it is really awkward. Can't really put the feeling in words.

So I guess my advice is, always pull out when you are involved in such a complicated relationship, think twice before you even step into it. Unless you think it is worth that gamble, you know, to give up some things for this relationship.

Either that or you can talk things right with the involved party/parties.

I choose the former.

 

Ben

 

Been a while since I really looked hard into a word with such simplicity "realistic". I thought to myself, what is realistic? After a while I finally decided that realistic is being sensible, using common sense whenever you do something, for example, making a decision. To make sure that I have the correct interpretation of realistic, I checked out wikipedia, and the search returned a couple of results where I decided, the closest answer would be "Naive realism" which is a common sense theory of perception. Hmm, seems to be a bit hard to understand doesn't it?

So then came the next sentence which really interest me "Most people, until they start reflecting philosophically, are naïve realists. This theory is also known as direct realism or common sense realism". (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naïve_realism)

 

For the past couple of years, I think I have failed to actually think realistic. I feel that I am still a kid, running around in the park, having fun all the time without worrying what the hell is happening around me. Yes it is true, a friend told me that it seems like I am trapped in my own world, where instead of the earth orbits around the sun, the sun orbits around the earth. What ever happen to that guy with full of dreams, full of confidence when ever he does something, goat knows where is he now. Cause all I know this guy here is struggling even to spell his own name.

 

I realise that, there are actually so many things to think about. Life is not that simple. And yes, I am not a philosophical person, because I don't read, much. I rely on the concept of "watch and learn" since I am not a reading person (well, not sure if it's the same as reading). So I always try to pick up on how people live their life and try to adopt it to mine, if it helps to improve. But in this age, who would care about others but themselves? I mean, would you rather help someone or help yourself? In the end, one has to rely on oneself.

 

Back to the topic, I was reminded to be realistic. Think about what I really want and then think again, if it is realistic or not? It is like, you form a goal and then you think if it is achievable. It's now, or never.

 

ps:talk is cheapo

 

ben

Greetings ladies,

 

How was everyone's New Year's Day?

 

So, you guys must be wondering, why suddenly I start posting again. Well, someone called me a lazy pig for not updating my blog site =.= I have been a little busy lately, with assignments, work and not to forget, the festive holidays, Xmas + Boxing Day + New Year's.

So far so good, for 2007 minus the fact that I have shitty group members for my course. What happened in 2006 will be a distant memory, soon. And yes, a hard and expensive lesson to learn. Nonetheless, despite saying that, it's always good to look back and cherish the moment that you enjoyed most. I only had a couple in 2006, that I wouldn't mind going back to it again, for that moment.

 

I have been going out a lot lately and obviously, it's burning a hole in my pocket. I am trying to save up some money, for a rainy day, if you know what I mean. Cause god knows what might happen in future, just in case I need some emergency cash. Been playing a lot of soccer lately too, at least twice a week. Still contemplating if I should play on Thursdays as well but if I do, I have to skip work.

 

On the side note, nothing interesting. WoW's life been really quiet. Everyone is taking a break, PvP a little bit just to get some gear before the expansion is out, on the 16th/17th Jan. Talk about expansion, I was lucky enough to experience the beta, which is really nice.

 

Uninteresting life eh?

 

Ben

A friend suggested to try out MSN space cause my blog is a bit outdated and no one visits it anymore. I guess a change is good, eventhough it looks rather dry/drape at the moment. Solution? Spend more time on my blog? Maybe.

 

So, coming to the end of 2006. It is summer in Down Under and you can really feel the heat catching up. A little busy this week, some work due before Christmas and another due right after New Year. I guess it is good since I can go all out till the end of next year. Just have to worry about starting and maintaining the momentum, which as always, are my nemesis.

 

First post is always rather dry, because I had nothing to write about. So I guess I will keep this short.

 

ps: 5 days till Xmas, and there goes another year.

 

fresh Ben